Batman v. Superman: Just how bad was it?

In short... Really bad.. Spoilers are present, btw.

I know this blog has primarily been talking about firearms, but I was so frustrated by the movie I saw last night that I just had to vent here.

Batman v Superman was about as hyped as movies can get. It was supposed to be the next big superhero movie and rival anything Marvel has done so far. It has not lived up to that.

When you read the title "Batman v Superman" you immediately expect an epic battle between two of the
most popular super heros  in the world. What you got was force fed a bunch of crap about the upcoming justice league movie.

The movie had almost nothing to do with the battle between Superman and Batman and I don't even know where to begin to complain!


I guess I can start with Lex Luthor being played by Jessie Eisenberg. When I heard this actor was going to be a villain in the movie, and when I saw the trailer for it, I immediately assumed he would end up being the riddler. he would have made a perfect riddler, or a joker, but he made an aweful lex luthor! Lex is a genius, which they got right, but lex is also cool, calm and collected. This guy was freakin nuts! he was jittery, weird and overall just metally psychotic! Lex may be perceived as evil, but he always had a "greater good" mindset. he was maybe doing things the wrong way, but he did it for a good reason, to try and make the world better. This guy was just a bad guy to be bad. he
spent the entire movie trying to make Superman look like a bad guy. like they should put a leash on him because his power could destroy them all. he plants this so that batman would want to fight superman, and apparently it works, for some unknown reason. So he convinces them to fight each other, to distract them, so that he can create this cryptonian monstrosity from the dead body of general zod and like four drops of his own blood. This monster then attempts to punch lex who is about the size of this things pinky finger. and the only reason he survived was because superman stopped him. there was a massive battle where superman and batman were working together, and somehow, wonder woman felt like she needed to get involved.


TO WHAT END?!?!?!?!?


it almost seems like he wanted to destroy the world, just to do it! he gives no inclination as to why this must be done. there is talk of "we need to have a deterrent in case these things attack" but in his "master plan" he lets batman take the kryptonite, and he makes a spear out of it, which they use to kill the beast thing that lex creates. he already had the deterrent! he made it without anyone's permission! He is such a lunatic that it cannot possibly be lex. If you want to create a young lex, with long hair, then fine, whatever, but you have to stick to the basic character traits of the character you are portraying. it's like getting spongebob to play the hulk! it just doesn't work!


Then you get onto batman, who is also mentally scarred. He has long, complicated, vivid dreams of the night his parents died, and he sees bats as weird demon bug things in his dreams. Alfred specifically tells him that it is a bad idea to pick a fight with superman, and he ignores him! and where the fuck did he get that god damn suit?!?!? he seems to have done absolutely no R&D for this thing, and he just shows up and it is done and he is wearing it! and the whole premise of  "superman is all powerful and reckless and can destroy the world" basis for his want to fight him is ludacris!  Superman has always been a good guy. His only major flaw is that he fights really powerful enemies, and happens to make a big mess. some buildings may have been destroyed and some lives lost, but it was much less than if he wasn't there. I was also really annoyed at the the movie starting with the death of batman's parents. IT'S FUCKING BATMAN! I THINK WE KNOW THAT HIS PARENTS DIED! and! he is an old guy! he specifically mentions that he is older than his father ever lived to be! he has grey hair! He is also a drunk! Alfred mentions that he hopes the next generation of waynes doesn't inherit an empty wine cellar, which means he has drunk most of the wine! He is a sad, and pathetic depressing batman, and I am not a fan. It's almost like he is doing this because he has to. it is some kind of
big burden that only he can take on, and it is some sort of punishment. When the billionaire bruce wayne

goes to a social function, he is supposed to be a proper, polite business man! in this movie, when he goes to the book thing, he just walked around like he didn't want to be there. when he asked, he just looked like a drunk, and was like, oh yeah, we totally support... fuck... what is this shit...? books? yeah! books! we support books! and they have him branding criminals! I get that he is all into torture and stuff to get information, but branding them? that is a bit excessive. that's not batman!


And! holy shit, how many times do you have to hint at a justice league movie coming next? first, wonder woman shows up, but you don't know she is wonder woman. she some how knows exactly what bruce is up

to, and steals the little electronic server copying device he seemed to have left alone for ten or fifteen minutes. then she gives it back, because she can't crack the encryption... she tole it because it had a picture of her from like 50 years ago, or some shit. and there are four obvious folders there that almost blatantly say who they are about. there is the flash, cyborg, wonder woman, and aqua man.


I know what you are thinking... ooh! I love the flash! that tv show that I watched on Netflix is amazing! that is kind of exiting, right? wrong. they are using a different actor altogether. this means you can bet he will have

a totally different personality than the one we have become invested in with the show on Netflix! then in one of bruce's psychotic dreams about the demon bats, he gets a vision from cyborg telling him that he was right about superman all along. And the fact that wonder woman just decided that it would be a good idea to show up and fight the monstrosity that is destroying both cities (oh yeah, gotham and metropolis are about a lake's distance away from each other, if you didn't know). ya-know... since she is around... and batman didn't really do anything to fight the kryptonian monstrosity, because he was too busy running away from it. batman shows up after it is dead, and talks to supergirl and was like "you know how I thought that superman was like the worst person ever and I wanted him dead because he was too powerful? well I have had a change of heart. I think you and I should get together with the other three powered people I know about and fight together" Wonder woman thinks this is strange, and said something like "how do you know we are going to have to fight together?" batman responds with "I just have a feeling" which means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! that is like a child saying "why can't I have ice cream before dinner?" and the dad saying "because I am your dad and I said so!" that is not an acceptable answer! and they did not give any hint in the movie about any looming threats that might require six super heros!

The only thing they got even close to getting right was superman, but even that was too wrong to ignore! loise lane was all like, they are saying you are a bad dude, dude! and he was just like "I don't care what they are saying, you almost died" instead of being like "I didn't kill those people, Peeps be trippin'!" and then lex blew up some capitol building with a ton of people inside, and superman just looked sad and he ran away, like a child! he could have stuck around and been like "did you see that shit?!?!? this is aweful! lex did this!"


and then, lex kidnapped supermans mom, but gave no inclination about how he knew supermans real identity. he told superman that he would kill his mom if he didn't bring him the head of the batman! and superman just crumbled... he flew to where batman was waiting (because apparently he knew that night was going to be the night... or maybe he would have waited there every night until superman came... ) superman didn't even want to go to gotham. he didn't want to fight the bat, but somehow the bat was ready to fight superman before superman even knew that it was going to happen. Then superman tried to get batman to help him with his mom problem, but batman wasn't going to hear his crap and attacked him anyway. superman gave up on asking for help way too easily and decided to fight back, which just reinforced
batmans need to beat up superman... the words he was saying was not portraying his need correctly! if he said something like "my mom's innocent life is in danger, and I can't save her on my own" then maybe batman would have listened, or if he refused to fight back, maybe batman would feel like too much of a dick to beat up a guy who refused to fight back, when he knows superman can squash him like a bug...


at least when marvel characters fought, it was clearly really petty. like when cops fight with feds. you are in
my jurisdiction, dick. I got this, and I don't need your help. I am better than you anyway. Superman and batman fought like children throwing a temper tantrum and they tried to hide it like it was some kind of noble cause vs noble cause. they didn't even try to tackle the fact that batman seems to hate superman because he has killed people (on accident, while saving the world from zod), but batman kills people too. they just say "those are criminals and they get what they deserve"

I also thought batman hated guns, but I could actually be wrong here. I thought he connected guns with the death of his parents and decided to protect the streets while not using guns. he uses his grappling hook, and his bat-erangs. but in this movie, he seemed to be all for guns. very pro-gun. I am pro gun too, but why would he go through all the trouble to learn like ten different forms of martial arts if he is just going to wimp out and shoot people with guns anyway?


Notice how I have so much shit to complain about, and I have only spoke about ten words about the actually superman vs batman fight. it was pretty predictable. it only lasted like five minutes of the movie. batman busted out with some kryptonite gas that he developed and superman was not smart enough to get out of the cloud of toxic green gas. batman was totally ready to kill superman in his weakened state, until
batman mentioned the name of his mom, Martha, which was totally the same name as batman's mom, Martha again. apparently, the fact that they have moms with the same name was the big thing that turned batman around onto superman's side. no more questions asked. they were just best friends after that...

The cinematography was great though. I hated superman's bedazzled super suit, but the action scenes were very actiony.

overall, I hated it. Don't go see it. it was bad.

all photos I used were generic ones I found from google.